“We haven’t had a vacation since Mom came here,” said Lynn Halverson, 60, a former teacher. “You think you know what you’re getting into when you start this journey, but you don’t. You plan, then you deal with whatever happens.”

Her mother, who has Parkinson’s disease and some memory loss, now uses a wheelchair outfitted with a wireless doorbell so she can summon help.

“Some days it’s a joy,” Lynn Halverson said, “and some days it’s a struggle to keep your sanity.”

Recently, it’s been a struggle. Her mother was awake nights, demanding attention and watching old TV movies at top volume, then sleeping days and refusing to take her pills.

“One or two weeks and that will pass,” said Halverson, who recently ended “boot camp” workouts at her health club because of lack of sleep. “The quieter and slightly gentler Mom will come back.”

Lynn’s mother always ruled the family with a well-honed tongue. It sent everyone scurrying for cover “except for me. I’m the one who spoke up,” she said. “That’s why Mom is here.”

Without family caregivers like the Halversons, the web of care for older people would collapse. But the pressures take a toll, and families often find themselves grinding deeper into care-giving than they ever imagined.

Each Wednesday and Friday, Steve and Lynn get a four-hour respite for lunch together at McDonald’s and a movie or a few errands. That’s when Marie Schueller, 71, comes to call. Schueller is a “friendly visitor” from DARTS, a Dakota County social service agency. She assembles jigsaw puzzles with Anderson, watches TV with her or just sits as she sleeps.

“A saint, a gift from God,” is the way Lynn Halverson describes her.

When is it time?

At DARTS, social worker Lynn Cibuzar trains caregivers in navigating the tricky shoals of parent care. She helps them figure out what the older person really needs, what caregivers realistically can do themselves and what other resources might help. She also helps them decide when it’s time for assisted living or a nursing home.

BUKIT MERTAJAM: It was a short-lived joy for a couple who found a baby girl abandoned outside their house in Bukit Minyak near here.

The couple, who has been childless after 10 years of marriage, thought that it was a gift from God.

They kept the baby for 36 hours in their house but later handed her over the police following advice from neighbours.

Central Seberang Prai OCPD Asst Comm Azman Abd Lah said the baby believed to be a week-old was wrapped in a napkin and left on a table outside the house of a 38-year-old factory worker on Sunday.

The factory worker saw the baby after he returned home at 11pm after prayers at a nearby mosque.

The couple wanted to adopt the baby as they have no children.

But their neighbours caution them that it was an offence to keep the baby, he told a press conference here yesterday.

ACP Azman said the couple surrendered the baby to the district police headquarters at Bandar Perda here at about 11am yesterday.

The baby weighing 1.4kg was sent to the Bukit Mertajam Hospital. She is in good health, he said.

He said the police were trying to trace the babys parents.

Members of the public who have any information can contact ASP S. Subramaniam at 019-6351119 or the nearest police station.

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